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As some of you know, I’m on this personal quest to discover a more satisfying career path. My new vocation counselor thinks it’s possible that people can follow their passion and never work a day in their life. I have my doubts, but I’m still shelling out $40 every time I see her, so I must have some faith too.

Well I hit another roadblock this morning. After leaving this counselor’s office, I felt so deflated. And not a slow, gradual deflation when a pin pricks a balloon and the air whistles out through a nearly invisible hole. This was more like a jet plane careening into a hot air balloon, leaving a gaping hole of torn fabric while it plummets to Earth at a fatal speed.

I wanted to get into my car, slam the door shut behind me, and just heave and sob on the steering wheel while snot dribbled down my chin. I know I have this awful habit of hitting a small obstacle and seeing it as an insurmountable option. I am trying to work on perspective and patience, but this wasn’t like that.

I’ve been looking into physical therapist assistant programs. I think I would have a better chance of getting accepted into Yale! There are three schools offering this in my area. One school boasts an admission record of 1 in 10 students. This one I just went to today said there’s pretty much no hope for me since priority is given to in-county residents. The counselor asked if I might consider moving to that county. Are you kidding me?? I own a house. Who goes to the trouble of selling their house and relocating for an associate’s degree program. Come on!

It’s incredibly frustrating because I feel that about every idea I have turns to shit. Instead of the Midas touch, I have the mud touch. I pursued the dietetics program until I realized I would have to participate in a year-long, full-time, unpaid internship. I looked into the nursing program until I realized the accelerated program would cost $55,000. And now it looks like my only hope of getting into a PTA program involves selling my house.

I do not believe in fate. I do not believe everything happens for a reason. (I think people who subscribe to that have never opened a newspaper). I believe we make the best of what we can out of the circumstances we’re in. Maybe I’m just fighting the inevitable here. Maybe all these roadblocks or detours or dead-ends are just leaving me in my car staring at a mirror and wondering why the hell I haven’t become a personal trainer or some sort of fitness instructor. I have always been passionate about health. I write articles and blogs about it. I love trying new classes. I love talking about it. I love motivating others. THe whole science of health and nutrition fascinates me. I love being healthy. I love the quality of life we can enjoy when we’re healthy.

Maybe I’m just scared. Maybe I don’t know where to begin.